Being Enough

I totally stole this title from this blog post, but I sat for a minute trying to think up another name that summed up my feelings and nothing came, so it is what it is.


The ideas that have been coming to me about this were sparked from the aforementioned post and I need to write them down before I forget. Shawni, the author of 71toes.com, talks about the pressure that the world puts on us to be more and do more when we look at those around us and all the wonderful things they are doing that we are not. 


I can't help but think that pressure is intensified with things like facebook and pinterest because all of the amazing things that people are doing are on display and at such quick access. 


Lately, I haven't been feeling so good about myself. I know that I am doing good things and accomplishing goals, like going to school, painting our bathroom with horrid vaulted ceilings and fulfilling my calling, but I know I can be doing better. 


But not better according to someone else's standards. 
Better according to me. What I have been doing. Who I have been.
Because I know I can be so much more.


I went visiting teaching last night and this morning and we had some really great discussions about the message. It just reminded me that my Heavenly Father really knows me. I have known that forever, but it's amazing to think that he knows not only what I am doing, but he knows what I am thinking and what my intentions are behind my actions. He knows when I am doing the best I can, and that is enough for Him and I need to let it be enough for me.


I love what President Uchtdorf says: “By patiently walking in the path of discipleship, we demonstrate to ourselves the measure of our faith and our willingness to accept God’s will rather than ours.” 


This got me thinking about how I am enduring the challenges we have been going through. Have I truly been patient throughout? I also like how he says walking. He does not say running. Sometimes I want to run through life to get through a trial and get to the next stage. But that isn't how it works. We have to be patient and endure well. Not just endure grudgingly.


Sometimes it seems like we have been patiently walking through trials for a VERY long time. And it can be exhausting. And frustrating. But that is when I have to step back and count our blessings. Although Peter has been underemployed for almost two years now, we are still able to put away money every month. Even though Peter's job is in Ogden and he works less than ideal days and hours, he has a job. 


Elder Ballard came to our Stake Conference last Saturday and Sunday. He talked about trials and why they are given to us. He said that sometimes it is not us that need the trial to grow, but others. That other people are watching the way we go through trials and seeing the example we set, good or bad, as we endure and press forward. This goes so well with what President Uchtdorf said in the visiting teaching message. 


I know that there are people around us who know our struggles and they are watching how we endure. I know that I gain great strength when I watch people go through hard things and, not only come out triumphant, but endure their trial with a good attitude and great faith throughout. 


We also talked about how there are different seasons of life. One of the women we visit was just called into the Relief Society Presidency in our ward the same week that she went back to work after having her sweet little baby and then her husband was called as a High Council Member just a couple weeks later. Needless to say, she has a lot on her plate and her season of life is not one where she can go visit women in the ward once a week, and that is okay. She is doing enough.


This is really just a REALLY LONG rambling rendition of all the thoughts I have been having, so congratulations if you made it this far. But, because I haven't felt like I could truly say that I have been enough lately, here are some goals. They may seem silly, but I have been doing them today and I feel so much better about myself. I feel productive and just good.


1. I will exercise every day.
2. I will study my scriptures for 20 minutes every day.
3. I will eat healthy food and only eat when I am hungry.
4. I will not go back to bed after Peter goes to work on the days I have off.
5. I will not get on facebook until after school gets out in May.
6. I will only read family blogs and a couple of inspirational ones, like the one mentioned above.